The Diary of the Struggle

Really, there is no way out of this mess, all that I could do was wait. I had to wait here, sit here, just waiting for the best of luck, just begging all holy to help me. Do you know what it feels like to just not even know, like, you think that you know the answer to something, but you really and truly don't? Because, well, now I do, you feel like you have no control about what cards your fate put on the table fro you. You don't have any idea if you belong with group A or group B, or if you should go off on your own with all the other confused ones and make a group C. Have you ever just thought that there isn't a chance in the world that you could make it to the end of the line, or maybe you won't even end up making it half way. Sorry, I am being so rude, my name is Jose, well, leagally, my street name is Cici. I was born in what most people call "The Regect's Section" of California, in Oakland to be more specific. I sometimes hope that one day, my life will just completely reset and I will get a whole new opportunity. This hasn't happened yet, so for now, I am just pushing along with what I do have, my friends, family, and most importantly, my identity. I'm lucky that I still have all of the things that I do, most of the people in my neighborhood get broken into on the first couple of months, yet I have lived here for 2 years without getting broken into. In my honest opinion, Oakland gets a bad reputation because of all of the druggies and homeless people. If you take out all of the rejects from Oakland, it really isn't a horrible place to live, in fact, it is actually a pretty nice area. In my part of the city, there was this person named Andreas and he was thought to be one of the most dangerous people in the entire city. This was impressive because he was only 19 years old and didn't own a single weapon, but he needed none of that. He knew every single person in the city that was even suspected to have something to do with drugs, so he took "having connections" to a whole new level. I always thought of this guy as a friend to me, until I got to know this about him. He got let out of prison yesterday for trying to attack me when I told him that I couldn't know him anymore due to his drug addictions and connections. He told me that when he got out of prison that he would get everyone he knew on me and get me dead. I was scared, until, I flew into LA for the weekend, just to get away from the ghetto life and spend a few days just living larger that life. So, here I am now, just waiting to see what will happen to my poor soal when I get back into the city of the poor. I am thinking about just running into my hom, putting all of the belongings that I can carry into my car, and speeding off to live somewhere else. This thought that I might not be living for much longer is really scaring me so much, and I don't know what will happen, I just don't know. Anyways, that is why I wrote this short summary of my life, so that even if I do die tomorrow, At least you can tell my lengthy tale to anyone who wants to hear it. So, wish frot he best of me, I am off to the airport, or maybe I will take a little detour instead, but who knows, but thanks for caring about what I am or was.